Man, I really haven’t updated in awhile. I doubt anyone reads this anymore, but here are a few updates for no reason.
We moved across Tennessee in January. We now live in a two bedroom trailer with my mother in law and her two younger sons. That’s five adults and two toddlers in a very small space. We are pursuing a larger home, but nothing has popped up in our price range.
I started a job at a delinquent girls home. I’m a glorified babysitter for girls aged 13-18 who are court ordered to be in our facility. It’s one step down from juvenile, most of our girls are in for assault/drugs/running away. I am supposed to pull four to midnight shifts 5-6 days a week, but lately I’ve been working almost every day and pulling a significant amount of doubles. This week I’ve put in 70 hours including back to back 16 hour shifts. We’re so ridiculously short handed.
Part of the job requires accompanying the girls anywhere they need to go, including doctor’s appointments, court hearings, family visitations, scheduled outings, and ER visits. I have logged a ridiculous amount of hours sitting in the ER trying to explain the medical history of a girl I’ve only known for a few weeks and signing as a legal custodian for kids I barely know. I also spend a ridiculous amount of time logging medications, arranging DCS meetings, and monitoring outside communication. I wind up having to call the police every other week or so for a runaway or an out of control fight and I’ve dealt with the fire department and EMS three or four times in the past few months. All this for 8.50 a freaking hour.
For most of their waking hours I have the responsibility of caring for eight girls who wind up in our facility not knowing where they are or who I am. They get prescribed medications they’ve never heard of to treat mental disorders they didn’t know they had. They might be up to four hours from home with no ability to have visitation with their families and the minimum stay is 90 days. We’ve had some girls in here for 8+ months with no concrete plan as to where they are going or when they might get out. Obviously, this leads to a ridiculous amount of anger and frustration on their part and I’m the only authority figure they have to let it out on for most of the day.
All that to say this, I’m fucking stressed out. My twins are growing like weeds. They make leaps and bounds on a daily basis, and I’m missing it while parenting teenagers who could care less if I am there or not. As much as I want to walk away, I can’t. I connect with maybe one girl every week, but those connections mean a lot. When you’ve had a victim cry her heart out on your shoulder because she has no family deemed suitable to raise her and all she can think to do with her life is to run away with her shitty boyfriend, it’s hard to walk away. It’s also hard to live with the uncertainty attached to finding another job. How can I go back to minimum wage at a job promising maybe 25 hours when I can barely make ends meet even with all this overtime?
Bleh. Life, man. It sucks balls sometimes. I just wish I could be with my kids more.
I also wish I could sleep.
/end incoherent rambling.